Premarital cohabitation remains a sticky topic among Christians. Should unmarried couples in a committed relationship move in together? This article will answer that question by exploring biblical principles on marriage and what key Bible verses say about living together before marriage.
Biblical perspective of marriage and premarital cohabitation
In God’s design, marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24). Although many theories attempt to explain when the covenant of marriage starts, in many cultures, marriage still begins with a wedding ceremony. Whatever the cultural norms are, it has to be a voluntary and conscious decision. This exclusive relationship provides a legitimate and godly way to experience sexual intimacy.
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:6-9)
God’s word forbids any sexual activity outside the sanctity of marriage. Anything outside that, like premarital sex and adultery, perversion (such as masturbation, bestiality, incest, pornography, etc.) is a sexual sin. Upholding sexual purity is the right thing to do because the Bible refers to our bodies as the temples of the Holy Spirit. As such, purity provides a solid foundation for a healthy marriage.
To start their marriage on the right footing, a couple in a romantic relationship considering marriage must uphold sexual purity. This entails having a healthy relationship with members of the opposite sex, including the person you are dating. Premarital cohabitation jeopardizes this by increasing the chances of sexual temptation.
There is nothing necessarily wrong with living together before marriage. In fact, some Christians support it, saying it provides an opportunity to test drive and gauge compatibility. Others insist they can deal with the temptation or spend nights in separate rooms. For some, it is the convenience of living together, or the living situation at that time would necessitate living together.
This is the real issue, though. Almost always, premarital cohabitation results in negative outcomes. Not only does it increase the temptation to engage in premarital sex, but it also increases divorce rates. Research shows that couples who live together before marriage have higher chances of divorcing than those who do not.
Bible verses: what does the Bible say about living together before marriage?
Source: Stefan Giuliani
The Bible does not expressly prohibit living together before marriage. However, many Biblical texts in the Old Testament and New Testament talk about premarital sex and premarital cohabitation. Let’s sample them.
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19:9
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
Mark 7:21-23
For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
Acts 15:19-20
Therefore my judgment is that we should not trouble those of the Gentiles who turn to God, but should write to them to abstain from the things polluted by idols, and from sexual immorality, and from what has been strangled, and from blood.
1st Corinthians 6:9-11
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:13
“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
Corinthians 10:8
We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day.
Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality,idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Colossians 3:5
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
1 Thessalonians 5:22
Abstain from every form of evil.
Revelations 21:8
But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”
Galatians 6:7-8
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.
Revelations 22:14-15
Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates. Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.
Bible passages encouraging sexual purity
2 Timothy 2:22
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.
Psalm 119:9
How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.
Romans 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Ephesians 5:1-5
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-6
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:18-20
I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God.And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.
For it has seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us to lay on you no greater burden than these requirements: that you abstain from what has been sacrificed to idols, and from blood, and from what has been strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you keep yourselves from these, you will do well. Farewell.”
Galatians 6:7-9
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Proverbs 20:5-7
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!
Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Hebrews 13:4-7
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.
Proverbs 6:20-35
My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.Bind them on your heart always tie them around your neck.When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you.For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,to preserve you from the evil woman,
27 Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? 28 Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? 29 So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished. 30 People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry, 31 but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold; he will give all the goods of his house.32 He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.33 He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.34 For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge. 35 He will accept no compensation; he will refuse though you multiply gifts.
Romans 7:1-3
Or do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives?For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife,
and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.
Matthew 19:3-9
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
Bible verses about honoring God with our bodies
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 3:16
Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?
Revelation 1:1-5
The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who bore witness to the word of God and to the testimony of Jesus Christ, even to all that he saw. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear, and who keep what is written in it, for the time is near.
John to the seven churches that are in Asia: Grace to you and peace from him who is and who was and who is to come, and from the seven spirits who are before his throne, and from Jesus Christ the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of kings on earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood
Bible verses on overcoming sexual temptation
1 Corinthians 7:1-5
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1st Corinthians 7:1-2
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
Conclusion
As much as the Bible does not explicitly warn against living together before marriage, there are plenty of Bible verses warning against any sexual relationship outside the bounds of marriage, like fornication and the reality of sexual temptation. When unmarried couples live together, however genuine or determined they are to maintain sexual purity, the chances of succumbing to the passion of lust are very high. While the pressure to conform to societal norms may be strong, Christians are called to a higher standard. Therefore, wisdom dictates a couple maintain a healthy distance by living apart and only start living together when they get married.
Kendrick Ong'anya is a freelance Christian writer based in Nairobi, Kenya. As a believer in Christ, he is passionate about writing Christian content to deepen believers' faith, even while drawing those who are yet to believe into the fold. He is open to collaborating with individuals and organisations to curate blog posts, articles, devotionals, prayer guides, verse/ chapter commentary, and e-books, among other Christian content. You can follow Kendrick on Facebook.
